Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
