omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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