Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
