I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
time to smoke my breakfast
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
