party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
