Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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