the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
