Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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