benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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