The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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