i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just googled if crying burns calories
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
