this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
