I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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