i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
