he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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