I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
