It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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