Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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