Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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