Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
