i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
