lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
