and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
