So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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