No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
