when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
