Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
