Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
