Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
