Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was born a porn star she said
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
