Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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