I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
