nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
