hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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