you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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