My pussy is not your playground.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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