D3 body, D1 cock
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
