Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
