I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
