When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
