im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
