please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
