I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
