Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
