a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
