dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
