I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
