Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize