At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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