I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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