i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
