He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
