I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
