what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
