i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
