We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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