Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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