Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
