The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dignity is for republicans.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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