I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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