I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
