dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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