Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
