And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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