I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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