I wanna passion pit in your ass
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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