I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
