i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
