I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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