Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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