hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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