She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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