i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
