I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
