Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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