Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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