He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
