is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
