Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
