nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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