I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
