Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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