it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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