What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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