let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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