Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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